A sadness that envelopes and is lifted for a moment
Melts into a soul that is shared by two.
But for that moment nothing is clear
Not even the reassurance of 'I love you'.

These drops.
Not of crocodile but of something pure.
Unforced and uncontrollable.
Where did this sweet, missed taste appear from?

You've put me where I am,
And now you want me to take myself away...

Your wish is my command.

She waits

and she waits

and she waits.

So I guess she won't wait anymore...

Still Life/Fruit Bowl

She is reminiscent of that last piece of fruit
Left in the fruit bowl.
Covered in bruises.
Marks and scars
From being picked up and
Thrown back
One too many times.
Mouldy, dirty, unwanted.
Destined only for the bin.
To fester away.
Lonely
Wrinkly and
Old.

I do not love you
So stop asking me to
In your silences.
The torturous stillness you bestow on me
Breaks me
And then reinforces me.

she was losing everything. everyone. it was all falling apart, drifting away. she wasn’t sure she wanted to be any longer. it had only been three weeks since she had done what she had said she would never do again. but now she was feeling weaker than even then. she was broken. broken down. with no one to save her. how much longer was left?
there was no longer a happy ending waiting in the wings...

Within the clasp of a stronger creature
Nothing stands a chance.
The teeth rip out the heart
While maintaining its arrogant stance.
Watch the life fall away
Before realisation of what's at stake
Enters into an equation
As a future fiercely breaks.

Tiring of the sun
And its repetitious days,
The grey
Ever-changing
But always in waiting.
The sun,
It came too late.

What I used to love, I now despise,
You intrigue me no more.
You've brought me too far to be able to go back.
So I will wait in purgatory,
In my state of limbo,
For my time to come.
However it may come.

Don’t love me when you know me
Just know you don’t love me.
Find me when you’re lost
Or lose me once you’re found.
I’m not going anywhere.
I’m stuck running this ground.

She saw someone with his face
A face from her past.
How he would have looked now
Had his time been made to last.
It made her remember what could have been
Along with the guilt of having forgotten him
All but briefly.
That instant split second
As this stranger walked by
Made her regret it all
Why she’d dared not tried.

(written 19th May 07 - Sat, 1:02am)

If you leave me alone
That’s when it all begins.
The thinking.
The paranoia
All the things that made me ‘sad’.
Stay with me.
Make me smile.
Happy.
For a while?


(written 8th May 07 - Tues, 4:49pm)

You do not love me.
For how could you?
I have not the smarts nor the wit,
The arse nor the tits,
That I know you desire so bad

Awaiting a time
The words are no longer about you,
To you,
Nor the rhymes.
When the weather,
Whether thunderous clouds
Or sultry hot sun,
Matters none.
Peace at last.
No wind blowing through.
No pounding hard rain.
Bringing my words back to you.

If I thought you'd reply,
I'd bid you 'Good Evening'.
But as it stands,
I don't.
And so I bid you Goodnight and Goodbye

I did what I did
I've done what I've done
And I'll do it again,
I tell you!
It's fun!

And now i am no longer sure why i thought of you.
You show how you feel in the way that you do.
Leave me alone in an ending unwritten...

This isn't the picture i told you i saw that made me think of you... but when i did see this one.. it did make me think of you x

Combat the restlessness.
Milk the venom of a tired mind.
Live in simplicity
As self hatred's much too kind.
No sense to be made of,
Read nothing in these words,
Time creeps on regardless
As the point of life stays blurred.

She just wanted to get it all over and done with

The happiness of others
Like a sickness to another.
Lonesome destiny like a bad aura
Never to part.
The empty, cold places where rawness dwells
Always hidden under a made up persona.
Suffer the consequences of mistaken futures
Presents.
Pasts that are endlessly repeating.
Sit back while it rehashes itself once again.
This lonesome destiny.

'Emotionally unbalanced'
That's what they say.
The icicles that had begun to melt
They were now freezing once again.
Sharper shards encasing the tired and fragileness that remained

Thrown out of the window
From the second floor.
The time was frozen,
Preserved,
As it hit the ground.
Remnants akin to
The shatterings of a heart.
Spread over the pavement,
Unknown.

It was never her intention to leave this world,
To leave that house,
To stop being that girl.

It was not her intention to leave it behind.
Too early to explain
But she will in time.

Will you wait for me in all different ways?
Would you fight for me in the cold light of day?
When your mind’s too full, will you forget I’m here?
Wherever you’re taken, are you to keep me near?

Would you ever go home without me?

You keep me at a distance
While you fish for your own gratification.
Glory, if you will.
I indulge to your satisfaction
Until I’m pierced with a shrill,
A shrieking noise of silence,
Of stark stillness.
While I pioneer a path of solitude
Like some unwanted guest.
So I wander on my own
Drag my mumblings in this bag.
The one that only opens
When it's tearing from a snag.

I go from loving you,
To despising you,
To adoring you again.
I look at your face to have my feelings confirmed
Yet never returned.
Never in full.
Maybe not even at all.
I will sit and wait until I fade
For I know no other way that I will leave.
That these feelings will diminish,
Extinguish themselves.
So I shall carry on loving you,
Despising you
Then adoring you again.

All of your beauty had faded away
Your passion and electricity ebbed from you
It had burnt a finality into your veins.
The darkness was waiting to take you into its clutches
Not even half of a tenth of one hundred in time.
You died as I could have.
And in this realisation,
I am still not convinced it could have been me
It was not my time
I shall know,
I am sure,
When I am to say good-bye.
Your accidental overdose,
It touches me.

The old man in the bed, opposite to I
Got taken while I slept.
A silent 'good bye'.
He saw things in me I've yet to grasp
Or so thought.
Not to ask.
Somehow, I'll miss him,
This man I never knew.
The man I'll never know now.
Good bye
Adieu.

Day by day,
Hour by minute,
Everything changes,
It's natural, innit?

What will be will be
If you'll only be clear.
Return things to before
In case we disappear.

Quite plain and simply,

I have nothing to say worth saying.

I'm tired..
Of it being flaunted in my face
Of you haunting this place
That i'm in...

Time should be allowed....

One thing I heard
But am never to follow...

'Don't indulge your emotions'

There's no way out from this pitch black cave.
We buried ourselves alive in this grave.
If i were to live, I'm not sure it's right
To have you close or at all in my life.

Your way with words
It tickles me.
Like a feather duster
On a spiders knee.

When it wasn't her own words, it was so much easier to say

My dear,
I await her no longer being everywhere I look,
In everything I read.
Haunting my thoughts and fears.

I just want to find someone to love me back

I like the way these tears brighten my eyes.
A magic I am never to share...

I remember a time...

I didn't know you.
You didn't know me.
We would write ourselves away to each other.
Our own private, sordid secret.
I miss how we were,
In that time I remember.

Tears Dry On Their Own

All i can ever be to you
Is the darkness that we knew,
And this regret I had to get accustomed to
Once it was so right
When we were at our high
(Waiting for you in the hotel at night)
I knew I hadn't met my match
But every moment we could snatch
I don't know why I got so attached.
It's my responsibilty,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity.

He walks away
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in this grey, in this blue shade,
My tears dry on their own.

We could have never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal.
Even if I stop wanting you
And perspective pushes through
I'll be some next man's other woman soon.

I wish I could say no regrets
And no emotional debts
And as we kiss good bye the sun sets.
So we are history,
Your shadow covers me,
The sky above,
A blaze that only lovers see

(A. W.)

Whisper 'Good bye'
As you hold your tongue.
In this silence
It's loud and clear,
'You're no longer welcome here'

As the man of snow disintegrated in front of her
As the purity of what had been made, faded away
She touched the cold puddle of what remained
And saw there was nothing to be saved

A smile.
The genuine kind.
The kind not recognised in these parts so much.
The sun sparkling the eyes a little more
As the heat beats inside and out.
The light slipping behind the clouds
Like he slips behind the veil of a soon to be past.

And this one returns.
Continuing as if the days had not passed.
Not to be leaving for a while.
The present again to last.

Gardens, temples, shrines, and grass
Captured in beautiful glory.
Still the memories remain tainted.
More powerful feelings negatively based.
Feelings to fade in another time.

Passion versus Trust

Who will win out?

Once again I’ll be the foolish one
Thinking a blink of these lashes would make you come
Don’t you worry, don’t get in a state
I don’t believe in true love anyway
Who’s being pessimistic now
I could document this as our first and our last row
The more you look forlorn, the more to you I warm

I won’t be seeing you for a long while
I hope it’s not as long as a country mile
I feel lost

(Camera Obscura - Country Mile)

Dislike me.
Hate me.
Love me.
Like me.
A chameleon of expectancies
I'm never destined to meet.

Imagine me,
Do,
With my quill in hand.
A fireplace with all but fire.
The breeze has come,
Taken its place amongst the logs
It allows it not to light
But the paper remains.

Innuendoes occur at the touch of a key.
'Give me a few minutes',
Words uttered from me.
He sits in his flat
As he hides all his glory.
The randy confessions in this schoolboy's story.

I see now that we could never work. We could never have worked. My tiny major mistake and a few broken days helps the truth emerge. We've never known each other. Only our words. Thoughts and feelings undecidedly dubious. 'I love you's felt and meant but in a wrong place and time. And now our time has passed. The sorrow and regret consumes what's left within this shell of contempt. No forgiven. No forgetting. No going back or forward. Stuck in this place neither wishes to be.

I'm sorry will never be enough.

Faces are to be stared at.
Noticed.
Not to have things thrown at.
The after effects of another cutting slap...

An illicit acquaintanceship.
That's all this is.
All it was.
All it ever can be.

This secret mistake
That everybody,
and nobody,
Knows better then we.

His beauty saddens.

It is quite simply that simple.

Her heart dents once again...

Comings and goings of one of the best.
Friends.

'It's magic' he says.
Not his staying stability.
But something she now no longer recalls.

She continues to write...

Eastern faces of western people. Reminders of home. The strange feeling that accompanied the realisations of similarities. Still they crossed her mind. Made her smile. But not sad. Homesick. Although, she felt alone. Truly alone. Fifteen days to go. Only six had passed. Ups and downs merging continuously. For now, she was fine. Well, as fine as one can be in a lonely place...

(Written 24th March 07 - Japan)

I do not wish to hear from you.

I wish you to reply.

Sporradic contact.

Solitude makes her smile this day. Sweet music of her language plays as she reads classic literature to ebb away her 'sorrow'/ The depressed nature of her former state, now replaced with content.
Alone in her room, she couldn't breathe. But now, she inhales fine. Awaiting the return of her travelling companion occasionally fills her with anxiety, but she feels stronger now. Almost ready to start afresh... If they can?
She reads on...

(Written 24th March 07 - Japan)

Evenings that start well decline in fast succession.
As do mental inclinations.
Thoughts and weather unpredictably await their callings.
Never planning the present to continue as is.

Continue as you do...

Old things i've cherished
You've tainted with your similarities.

No longer do I take shelter.
Instead I draw on all the things I wish to leave behind.
I take them and alter their meanings.

I know not how to end this...

When you talk of jumpers,
Do you talk of me?

I'd wear that jumper with pride.

I am not a team player
So I shall never be a player in your team.

I said I would not read your words.

I lied without realisation.

No longer the (jealousy) swelling in my mind
That there was someone else among the letters.
Within them.
'Even if there is', I think,
'I care not'.
Not vindictive.
Nor nonchalant.
In a way that I know you're not mine.

No use to worry.

I saw someone today.
He looked,
Reminded me of you.
I wanted to kiss him
But I realised
He wasn't you.

The Lover Mourns for the Loss of Love

Pale brows, still hands and dim hair,
I had a beautiful friend
And dreamed that the old despair
Would end in love in the end:
She looked in my heart one day
And saw your image was there;
She has gone weeping away.

W. B. Yeats

I can no longer read your words.
They remind me of her.
How you feel for her.
(Is that why this is how it is?)

Every line.
Every syllable,
Brings paranoia,
Jealousy even.
Pain in my head.
Heart.

I loved how you wrote.
But now it's tainted.
Dead.
To me.
(for nowwat least)

Indifference then anger,
Sadness and crying.
And then it all stops.
Vanishes.
And it becomes clear.
I haven't lost you.
You've just misplaced yourself.
Us.
For a while.
(i hope)

They tell me that I am wasting away.
Well, good.
I want to waste away until there is nothing left of you.

She didn't care anymore.
Not about the little things.
Nor the big.
Only what was lost to her.
(Her own fault, she knew)

(She was thankful)
The 'memories' and realisations
As to why there was no point breaking down the structure.
The wall was perfectly placed.
He'd made her see
The worthlessness of what was inside and behind.
Trusting no-one was back in place.

No love.
No loss.

She'd lost...

Too tired to think.
Too awake to sleep.
Too exhausted for words I've yet to speak.
Confused over contradictions,
Mixing the views,
Like knowing the truth of 'I love you'.

The mirror was shattered into fragments
And myself along with it.
All that remains is the sharp edged casing
Of another empty thing.

Are your truths your lies
While my lies are just that?
I'll put a dampner on these things...

Packing his things,
This boy once in the closet.
Hidden.
The real one a father had never found him in.

She'd promised him her words...
As she pours away the contents
Of another empty bottle.
Knowing she must change.

Innocently bound together by vast land and sea,
While the other halves read on...

My beautiful infuriator haunts me again.
The silences he leaves me with,
The words he doesn't send.

His disappearances reduce me
To some pathetic shell,
Awaiting his return
With truths he'd always held.

I love you

You know who you are
If you are who I know.

And now it's in black and white for all to see

Do you believe me now?

Time dragging on, but oh too slowly.
Humming and bangs sporadic in their comings.
Joyous altercations, but what does it mean?
Previous writings enter through, line by line.

These empty pages filling with blackness.
Occupied by laughter of ones unknown.
"Don't look up" echoing through.
How much more room is there here (to be used)

Finally the fog had been lifted
Words were pouring out.
Good, bad, alterable.
But all to be kept all the same.

Noticing how style had changed
Now everything ad changed with this brand new...
what was the thing brand new?
Everything remained the same.

let’s try this again… again I shall try… try to hide emotions of truth. Truth benign here. Hear or see anything’s that aren’t really real. Real times ahead. Head in a new direction of time. Time at the bar. Bar none, I am alone. Alone in sincerity and silence. Silence your mind. Mind that step. Step back in time. Time to end this. This building has lets… (start on a better word, me thinks)

Make her laugh to pass the time. Time of chances. Chance to shine. Shine upon a brand new outlook. Outlook to the sea. See what I’m doing here? Hearing no sounds to follow this through. Through the keyhole. Whole new time awaiting no man. Man to man to woman to corpse. Corpse not, no laughter around. Around the corner another chancer’s on the make.
The end.

so now I am ‘yours’ in this fake world. This is as real as it’s going to get. All the thing we talk about and imagine ourselves doing will never be anymore than the words we find in a dictionary… never feel more than the tingles from our words…
I need to hold on to, and feel, less about what we ‘discuss’ for it shall never be mine… no matter how many times you write ‘I’d like to have your hands’ etc. it will never be yours or ours. I wonder if you really do want it or if it’s something you write as a part of this ‘game’.

A beautiful poet trapped in a world,
Of crack heads and dope fiends,
DIamonds and pearls.
Now that, my boy, is method acting.

Beam away unrequited intimate,
Beam as you saunter on,
Sensibilities of old return once more,
Though months of past have gone.

Shall I endeavour to once more be wrong,
And trust in things unknown?
Perhaps the time has come to learn
Once bitten, twice is home.

Thine eyes are lighting up, I notice,
That light was always there?
Should I partake and return the look,
Too late, too much to care.

Whether we be, whether we don’t
Kinships will still arise,
Only time and space will make the final
Knowledge of safe goodbye.

Bless my cheery disposition.
When you know something’s forbidden it makes it so much sweeter, yet harder to resist.
I defy you dark angel to take it away . . .
On your headstone be it
May you suffer in anguish and lost wings of beauty.

In all the while I breathe in air
I represent life’s mindless care
Watching ancient stories told
To ones much younger than years of old.

With what same power does one keep
A mindful time when lover’s sleep
Within a haven made of wings
In lullaby’s of nymphs and kings.

Doth mine own heart cry at the absurd
When all one craves is never heard
‘Til whence the summer comes and goes

Patience of virtue continues its path
Covers its vengeance upon a laugh
I wait and will the time will come
When the moon shall set upon the sun.

Unbeknownst to us… you were all we had. I need you now. to see you. Nothing’s how it should. Be to happen happened. Or is it in your mind. I think I nearly kissed you. Or is that now unkind? Leave me be to dangle and warrant this arrest. You perhaps could be my saviour. I think not, I detest.

You look at her with her lily-white legs and little Bo peep hair,
Strutting around, such confidence without a worldly care.
But you’re so naïve.
Why cannot you see
That it’s just a masquerade.
She’d like nothing better
Than secrets in letters
Kept under an autumn shade.

English accent perfectly portrayed,
Like algebraic equations perfectly placed.
Alliteration, don’t illiterate.
Don’t belittle the sacred space.

Someone stopped me. But not to talk. I liked their way. Speaking. Look. The walk of a libertine. But was it all a dream? They took my hand. Asked me to come. Follow them along. Be as one with the way of life. Not accustomed but not to worry. Its all the timing needed. They needed my mind to be open. To listen awhile. I obliged their wishes not once but twice. I opened it up and let it wash. It was a series of definite plights. There in the dark space was one. So small. Surrounded by beauty. No one could speak. He strummed away. Despite the fallback of another bad stunt. He knew he was right. Right then. Could it really be over?

Is there still so much resentment? Even though there’s love there. Living apart. Lives intertwine. Blood belongs to each other. You’re one and the same. With different minds. You think the same. Topics debate. Look at the state. You’ve gotten into. Over a bond so strong. Give in to temptations. If it’s ok with you. I’ll sit back and admire and resent the beauty. The disgust. The unbeknown future of one’s so completely separately entwined.

You break my heart
With your deviant behaviour,
Your wandering mind,
My messed up saviour

I wish I could refrain from wandering away
From images of the night.
Bring on sweet reverie,
Take away the trail that weaves its way around my mind.

And then it stops...
Abruptly, as if it has the chance to be put down
For all to bear witness.
Now bring on my sleep relief
I beg you leave me be,

'Til tomorrow...

If ever a time of foreboding were upon us,
The time is nigh.
Transparent, elusive, enveloped with dusk.
I feel it, by and by.

Good morrow,
Bad sorrow,
Never to pass,
But what of eternity? - Too soon now to ask.

Your voice in my head
Is like a dagger in my heart.

I may not deserve more than you
But I deserve a different type of you.